Thank you. Thank you very f*cking much for changing the recipe for the one good thing to survive my childhood.
Yes, I am talking about how you screwed up animal crackers. Rather than the wonderful taste of childhood -- some kind of crunchy sugar cookie -- they are now soft and gooey, and taste vaguely of ginger snaps.
So, what happened? Did your focus group tell you that aging baby boomers can no longer chew? Did your lawyers tell you to replace good crunchy cookies with something soft so as to prevent lawsuits? Did some suits with MBA's tell you that change is good, so change a good thing that has been around since the late 1800's?
Well that's just fine. Go ahead. Send these once-great cookies down the toilet with the rest of civilization. Trash them just like the world has trashed manners, education, ambition and clean air.
Go ahead. I'll wait.