That Time I had a Drug Problem

This is a painful memory.

I had a friend who was a little younger than me. We met because of a mutual physical attraction. That part did not last long, but we did manage to forge a friendship that lasted several years.

Along the way, he got into body building, the kind where you build your body to (what I consider obscene) levels of muscle that would be virtually impossible to achieve naturally. He had protein drinks for breakfast and lunch, each including a dozen raw eggs. He ate actual food for dinner, but mostly steaks and other proteins. He ate an insane amount of calories each day. (I don’t remember the actual amount he told me, but I do remember being shocked at how high the number was.)

I found out he was using steroids to bulk up. This is not good. I’ve always been against taking any drugs I don’t need (recreational or otherwise) and it really bothered me that he was injecting himself with (get ready) HORSE steroids, the kind you give to a horse. He would go down to Mexico and get them.

I pondered how to react to this revelation. He was a very close friend and I loved him and wanted him to be happy BUT drugs? Horse steroids? No.

We had a long, intense, very personal conversation about how much this bothered me. It scared me. I feared for his life and safety. We both cried. I don’t think he really understood the ramifications of his choices. He promised me he would stop.

Several months later, I went to his house. We spent time together. I left. I realized I had forgotten something so I went back to his house. I went in and there, on the coffee table, laid out neatly, was a huge syringe and vials of (what I assumed were) horse steroids. He realized he’d been caught in a lie. I turned to leave. He tried to stop me. I kept going, shattered by the betrayal. I wrote him a letter telling him that either the drugs stopped or our friendship stopped. It was too painful for me to see him treat his body so poorly with such potentially devastating consequences. (Not to mention the fact he lied to me.) It was time for him to make his choice.

He picked steroids over me.