Tomorrow Might be too Late

You always hear people say that they look at a major event in their lives (cancer, heart attack, etc.) as a wake-up call, as their chance to change how they live their lives, to have a better appreciation for people and things and life in general. It didn’t work that way for me.

See, I was diagnosed with a heart defect in 2014 and had surgery to correct it in 2015. I was then diagnosed with incurable cancer in 2015. Not once have I thought “Well, here’s my second chance,” or “I’m going to appreciate things now,” or “I’m finally going to live life to the fullest.” You know why? Because I’ve always appreciated the good things in my life, I’ve always tried to live my life to the fullest, and I don’t really need or want a second chance.

But, something did change for me.

After my heart surgery, when I was fifty-five years old, I started noticing when people died younger than my age. I would think “Wow! I’ve lived ten years longer than that person,” or “I’ve had five more years in my life than that person had.” I don’t know why I started noticing that, but there you are.

Now, even that has changed.

My husband (of twenty-five years) came really close to dying of a heart attack on 20 January 2020. We reacted to his symptoms right away, got him to the hospital where he received a stent, and he’s back to almost-normal. But now, whenever we do anything, I think “This wouldn’t be happening right now if he had died." Like, when we went to the cinema to see “Parasite,” when we sat together and watched the Oscars, even mundane things like going to the grocers.

I’ve always loved doing things with my husband: he’s fun, smart, cute, comes up with all kinds of ideas of things to do. It’s literally never a dull moment with him around. I’ve always appreciated doing things with him. Maybe now, I’m noticing those things more and appreciating them even more than before because it’s quite possible there will come a time when we won’t be able to do things together ever again. That would be sad.

So, yeah, life can change that quickly. Don’t wait for a “wake-up call.” If you don’t already, start appreciating what you have – and what you might lose – right now.