Dear Straight Guys:

I am not sure how this happened, but for some reason you all think that every gay guy in the world wants to climb into bed with you.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but, no.

Sure, some of you are kinda cute, and might actually be fun for a few hours in the shower; but being gay is not all about sex. Seriously. Being gay is much more about something different in your chemical makeup: how you think, how you relate to the world around you, how you perceive what it is you perceive. I know you THINK being gay is a choice about how you want your sexual activities, but it is not a choice: it is something inside you that makes you different.

Every single straight guy I have ever known has always thought that they were the be-all and end-all in maleness. That, all I want is to get a hold of your manhood.* Do you straight women go through this with straight guys -- it's all about sex? That's sad.

Being gay does not mean I want to have sex with you. If I am not interested in you emotionally, I am not interested in you sexually. It also does not mean I want to be a woman. No thank you (no offense). I like being a guy and I like being gay and I like being with gay guys.

Don't get me wrong: I like having straight guys as friends. Once they get over the crushing letdown that they are not going to have to fight me off trying to have sex with them, and realize I want guy companionship and nothing else, the friendship blossoms and becomes really meaningful.

So, all you straight guys who fear gays can just chillax.

And all you straight soldiers can just chillax about the repeal of "everyone knows I'm gay but we just can't talk about it." Don't freak out but there is a gay guy in the shower with you right now. He hasn't bothered you all these years, why the hell do you think he's going to start now that his sexual orientation is no longer "secret"?

There have been gay soldiers all the way back to the Greeks and Romans (the only difference back then is that they didn't care). Gay soldiers fought in the Civil War. Gay soldiers fought in the Great War. Gay soldiers fought in World War Two. They fought in Korea and Vietnam and are currently fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.

So, pop yourself a brewski, sit back on the couch and watch the cheerleaders on the sidelines. Now that we've gotten this all straightened out, you don't need to worry about a thing.

*(I hate the term "junk." You straight guys call it junk because you have no respect for yourself. Remember, one man's junk is another man's treasure.)