I guess it was a mistake to ask the nurse. After a few weeks of chemo, I told her that I had been free of the bad side effects like diarrhea and vomiting and asked if that meant I would not get them. “No,” she said. “Sometimes it takes four to six weeks for the drugs to build up. So, you might still get them.”
Great, I thought. Something to look forward to.
So then last Tuesday, my fifth chemo treatment, began like any other day -- but ended as one of the worst days of my chemo period. Yep, the big “D”: diarrhea. It started a few minutes before I went to bed and lasted all night and half way into Wednesday. After a few phone calls I found out I could take an over-the-counter medication -- which seems to have helped. Although the flood has stopped, the exhaustion lingers on. If it’s possible, I’m actually more exhausted than my most exhausted days over the past few weeks.
Thankfully, Matt’s mom brought homemade soup. That helped.
14 April 2016
09 April 2016
05 April 2016
Like Honey for Bees
If you know me, you know I’m a nice guy. Being nice is more efficient than being a shit.
This morning, I found out that my health insurance had been terminated through what turned out to be a mistake by the insurance company. I didn’t know that when I called to ask them why.
Although I would have been totally justified to yell, scream, berate and demand, instead I was completely calm and nice: “Did I make a mistake to cause this?” “Can you help me figure out what happened?” I was pleasant and I was appreciative (after all, the customer service person didn’t cause it and she was trying to help me).
You know how you feel when someone treats you like shit. It feels pretty horrible, doesn’t it? You also know how it feels when someone genuinely appreciates your efforts. I would rather someone try to help me because I was being nice and they wanted to please me, than because I was threatening and terrorizing the poor person who was terrified of making me even madder.
And you know what? Being nice works about 99 percent of the time. The glitch has been corrected and my health insurance is back in force.
This morning, I found out that my health insurance had been terminated through what turned out to be a mistake by the insurance company. I didn’t know that when I called to ask them why.
Although I would have been totally justified to yell, scream, berate and demand, instead I was completely calm and nice: “Did I make a mistake to cause this?” “Can you help me figure out what happened?” I was pleasant and I was appreciative (after all, the customer service person didn’t cause it and she was trying to help me).
You know how you feel when someone treats you like shit. It feels pretty horrible, doesn’t it? You also know how it feels when someone genuinely appreciates your efforts. I would rather someone try to help me because I was being nice and they wanted to please me, than because I was threatening and terrorizing the poor person who was terrified of making me even madder.
And you know what? Being nice works about 99 percent of the time. The glitch has been corrected and my health insurance is back in force.
03 April 2016
Into Every Life a Little Change Must Come
My first month of chemo (of three) ends in a couple days. I’ve taken a little time to think about how different my life is right now compared to this time last year when I was recovering from my open-heart surgery.
Some of the changes include the ongoing swelling in my feet -- so bad that I’ve had to invest in new shoes of a larger size. That sucks. There is also the fatigue, the here-today gone-tomorrow sense of taste, and the occasional trembling in my hands.
The biggest change, however, is that I have not done any serious writing since August of 2015. I’ve been a journalist most of my life. I quit my full-time corporate job in 2012 to allow myself the luxury of focusing on my long-form writing (novels). I used that time well, publishing nine novels and a collection of short stories. But I noticed in the summer of 2015 that I was struggling to finish my most recent novel. Struggling not because of writer’s block, but because of fading energy. This was a few months before I started the path that led to my cancer diagnosis. I didn’t understand at the time why it was so hard to write; I understand now.
Since then, I’ve written nothing new. I’ve had to turn down freelance writing projects and put my own writing aside. I’ve gone from writing four or five or six hours a day to nothing. I spend most of that time now resting with reading or napping. It totally sucks. Not only do I not have the actual strength to write, I also am lacking the mental strength to concentrate on writing. It’s amazing how much energy that takes, and how little of that energy I have.
Keeping in mind that my cancer can only be treated but not cured, my hope is that the treatment will eventually allow me to return to something like a normal life; but I wonder if that will happen. I hope it’s a case of the night being darkest before the dawn, but I’m not confident. I sometimes wonder if my writing career is pretty much over and that this will become my new normal.
Some of the changes include the ongoing swelling in my feet -- so bad that I’ve had to invest in new shoes of a larger size. That sucks. There is also the fatigue, the here-today gone-tomorrow sense of taste, and the occasional trembling in my hands.
The biggest change, however, is that I have not done any serious writing since August of 2015. I’ve been a journalist most of my life. I quit my full-time corporate job in 2012 to allow myself the luxury of focusing on my long-form writing (novels). I used that time well, publishing nine novels and a collection of short stories. But I noticed in the summer of 2015 that I was struggling to finish my most recent novel. Struggling not because of writer’s block, but because of fading energy. This was a few months before I started the path that led to my cancer diagnosis. I didn’t understand at the time why it was so hard to write; I understand now.
Since then, I’ve written nothing new. I’ve had to turn down freelance writing projects and put my own writing aside. I’ve gone from writing four or five or six hours a day to nothing. I spend most of that time now resting with reading or napping. It totally sucks. Not only do I not have the actual strength to write, I also am lacking the mental strength to concentrate on writing. It’s amazing how much energy that takes, and how little of that energy I have.
Keeping in mind that my cancer can only be treated but not cured, my hope is that the treatment will eventually allow me to return to something like a normal life; but I wonder if that will happen. I hope it’s a case of the night being darkest before the dawn, but I’m not confident. I sometimes wonder if my writing career is pretty much over and that this will become my new normal.
25 March 2016
Chemo Update: Food for Thought
Chemo fucks with your body. After only three treatments, things have started to change. I’m retaining water and bloating, and I have these small tremors in my hands. I’ve also pretty much lost my sense of taste. Everything tastes like cardboard: crunchy cardboard, soft cardboard, occasionally tart cardboard. It’s the oddest thing to pop a piece of chocolate in my mouth and not be able to tell if it’s chocolate or a piece of potato. Apparently, it’ll come back once the chemo stops, but right now, nothing. The first time I noticed it, I had tried a spoonful of yogurt. I couldn’t taste “yogurt,” so I told Matt it had gone bad. He tried it and said it was fine. Now, I pick food based on the consistency (crunchy, soft, etc.) rather than the taste. Perhaps it’ll be a good thing to help me keep off the weight that the steroid is making me gain (water retention). Amazing the amount of comfort we find in food that’s missing when we can’t taste it.
24 March 2016
15 March 2016
13 March 2016
08 March 2016
Cancer Update - The Chemo Sphere
Just home from my first day of chemo. So far, not feeling any different at all despite having five new drugs in me. (Five!) Had a great chicken teriyaki lunch in advance, then an hour at the doctor’s.
Here are some photographs from today’s excitement!
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| Matt needed to get fortified for the excitement. |
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| Hooked up and ready for lift off! |
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| Some of the tools of the trade. |
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| First treatment all done! |
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| Look at the swag I got! Like being nominated for an Oscar! |
25 February 2016
Cancer Update
Visited my blood-cancer doctor today. He told me a recent blood test showed my myeloma may not be as advanced as previously thought. It’s still there and still bad, but rather than being in the third stage, the doctor thinks I might be borderline between stage two and three -- which is a good thing. He offered me the choice of delaying treatment to wait and see how the disease progressed. I told him that, while I don’t want to be “aggressive” in my treatment, I do want to be “pro-active” and see if we can control it even if it isn’t so far developed. He said that was exactly what he would recommend. So now, it could be only a few months chemo (rather than the original plan of four or five months), remission, followed by waiting to see how well I continue to do rather than just going for the stem-cell transplant.
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